What is parent-child attachment?

On the first day of school Mia’s hand tightened around her father’s as they approached the classroom door, her excitement flickering with just enough fear to make her hesitate. When she looked up, she found him already watching her with a steady, reassuring smile that said “You’ve got this, and I’ve got you.”

He knelt to her level, listened as she whispered her worries and didn’t rush her tears away. Instead he reminded her of other brave moments she’d made it through, then let her decide when to let go. Minutes later Mia walked into the room on her own, glancing back only once to see him still there, calm and confident in her ability to return.

In that simple exchange, the quiet strength of secure attachment did what it does best: it gave her both roots to feel safe and wings to explore.

What do we mean by attachment?

Parent-child attachment is a way to describe the aspect of the relationship between a child and their primary caregivers that makes a child feel safe, supported and protected. It’s about how the parent (or other caregivers) responds to their child when the child needs their attention or reassurance.

When caregivers consistently respond in a healthy way to a child’s needs and emotional cues, the child will develop a secure attachment. This means they feel safe and can be confident that their needs will be met.

Attachment is different to ‘bonding’ in that it’s more about caregivers providing a secure base from which a child can go out and explore and return to when needed.

Psychoanalyst John Bowlby developed the idea of attachment theory in the 1950s. While he focused on the specific context of parents and their infants, a child develops an attachment with anyone they spend time with on a regular basis. There are different types of attachment, not all attachments are secure.

Attachment is a powerful quality within interpersonal connection. It enables trust, calm security, and connected freedom within relationships. This in turn impacts how we experience, interact with, and participate in the world around us.

Why is attachment important?

Secure attachment is vital for healthy development. Children thrive when they feel protected and nurtured (don’t we all!).

Studies have shown that the way we are cared for as infants can shape the way our brain develops. “Feeling safe, seen, soothed and secure increases neuroplasticity, the ability of the brain to change and adapt.”[i]

When carers are attuned to their child’s needs and can provide appropriate care, it fosters healthy growth. If a child feels safe they will explore their world more confidently, knowing they can always return to their caregivers for support or comfort when needed. Being able to confidently explore and play freely provides rich stimulation for growing brains. And when a little person trusts that they can consistently receive comfort when they get hurt or distressed, it fosters healthy emotional regulation.

The ability to regulate our emotions affects the development of social skills and how we interact with other people. This in turn impacts our emotional wellbeing and mental health.

Secure relationships build resilience. Children who feel safe and cared for are better prepared to deal with challenges and more able to recover from setbacks. And this can continue into adulthood.

How does attachment impact us later in life?

Secure attachment in childhood is linked to positive outcomes in adulthood.

Children who experience secure attachment grow up to be people who can cope better with stress. They have higher self-esteem and better self-control.

Secure attachment is also linked with improved school performance. Children with secure attachment tend to adapt better to school and experience fewer behavioural difficulties, likely due to better emotional regulation and being more resilient. This positive social and emotional well-being can improve learning motivation and contribute to academic success.

Attachment provides a good foundation for language development, social development and good mental health, for parents and for children.

Secure attachment can benefit all relationships

While attachment begins in infancy with a child’s primary caregivers, the principles of secure attachment can be applied to any relationship.

Children develop an attachment with anyone they spend time with on a regular basis. The adults that a young person comes into contact with regularly can be highly influential. This includes grandparents, teachers, sports coaches, youth leaders, etc.

At Speech Pathology Tasmania we’ve been using the parent-child attachment program Circle Of Security® for almost 15 years. Circle Of Security® brings the understanding that the skills of attachment can be learned and practiced, and that the insights gained can benefit all relationships.

Circle of Security ®

Circle of Security Parenting Program™ is a highly effective parent-child attachment program. The interactive course explores attachment with a warm, accepting, non-judgmental, non-blaming approach. Developed with more than 60 years of research, the Circle of Security Parent DVD Program® teaches a scientific and compassionate way of understanding the processes of secure attachment, in a gentle and understanding setting.

Click here to find out more about the Circle of Security Parent DVD Program® or to express an interest in joining our next small group.

[i] ‘What you need to know about parent-child attachment’, UNICEF